Sewn

I am so sad
most the time,
I dont see why.

I try to look at the positive,
every single instance, every single time.
But even when I see,
how happiness is in the distance;
Coming, and I can spot it,
I know I've felt it,
and I remind myself of the "how could I have even been sad?" moments
It never matters.
Because the down moments last longer,
they're worse,
they eat me.
Taking pieces out of my skin.

It's as if I was being chewed on,
then sewn up.
& every time I am sewn,
they say "all better now"
and it is better.
Until I am chewed on again.
Until I am told how good being sewn is,
again.

I am a tired ragdoll
being chewed and sewn,
chewed and sewn.
Pieces of me gone,
parts of me hanging, damaged,
but I keep going, I keep existing.
Just to be chewed again
sewn again.

The Deep End

Agony,
again.
I miss you
my friend.

Empty briefcase,
idiot idol.
Forget my name,
kill my recital.

I am nothing,
no one
ever.
For, I let you go.
I'm drowning against the river.
Tear my heart
from among the dividends.
Net my love
with the weeds and loose ends.

I am a fool.
I miss you, deep end.

Punch One Love

You should remember,
Right?
The way it Hits me
in photographs
against the light.
Where the marks make me,
and the toll takes me
& I'm left to the river by the sea.
Just a sandlot,
with a speck of me.

Crazy Aunt Curry

Nothing

    good...

nothing good ever came

from a branch

stuck 

in the window

of your aunt's house.

Black tangled 

ivy, running

through eyelashes.

Sweating 

lips.

Crumbs

on the soap

of dishes last-night...

Nothing

   good

can come.

A Song for Saturday

So sweet were the branches,

the perches for folks,

who laugh and sing

at thoughtful jokes.

Who sit & give you

all their smiles.

On this simple summer's Saturday.

Erase Me

I want to be free, like the ocean.

Erase all the salt,

be covered in milk.

Pure white, like oppression.

There is a spot,

it's land.

Yet all I see

is water.

Dense as a sand storm

pulling me  to the bottom;

down

down

into all of its pity.

Letting go

the last breath.

A bubble of air.

I smile

as the sea takes me

in my tangled glory.

& I give it myself.

Thanking me;

my body goes

down

down.

The System

No one cares,

you're a lost cause.

Emptied their wallets,

found no odds.

They say you,

though, I think them flawed.

Embrace your fellow human,

they're all you've got;

In this world of...

malice, hatred, hot -

Forsaken place

money had bought.

See Me

I wish I was made of windows,
so you could see right through me. 
I’m drowning in this muck,
what mud!
& nobody can view me. 
I am, I live,
I love & breathe;
some may say,
A being! 
But tragedy is as tragedy goes,
& nobody believes me. 
So I’ll sit right here & wrinkle my nose 
until you open your eyes 
to meet me.

Post Traumatic Stress

SUBMISS

& I did.

For it is I that hath been beaten

held like a bird by the foot,

cradled by claws

'til my final killing come.

I am a roman numeral IXII,

noises from a past life

take me to the dark side,

& I eat the ghoulish petals

of those poppies gone black.

For nothing else satisfies 

the shadow I harvest inside;

I hold remnants, eaten so unhealthily..

Until I can somehow turn them to gold instead,

but gold is only in their head...

The Deepest Wish

Carry this pocket watch,

my shallow heart's-dream.

I will be grateful

to have ever been seen.

Let Me Love You Full and Loud

Please tell me

the thing you disliked the most about me,

because all I ever asked

was to feel your arms around me.

I let my heart go,

let it abound me,

and now all I'm left with

is a darkness surround me.

I wish you would have let me

be all you knew to be,

I wish I could have become

all you needed.

I crave

for the day

you see my eyes

and ask me to be more than yours,

always for you.

I want to be

someones' everything,

more than I wish to breathe.

I want to make

someone my always,

been waiting

an eternity.

All the ways

you wish to be loved,

I want to make it seen.

Let me love you

full and loud,

then scream your heart at me.

I have lost my knees,

I am weak;

empty heart,

failed thieves

tried to steal

all I am ,

in my mind,

my heart,

my grief -

but no one's seen

and no one's touched

anything

like me.

Poet

On my most open page

I have been hiding.

Beneath the folds

of the library's master -

I sheltered there...

lapped the ink,

dried the page.

How I loved it.

Not a soul

hath tasted the nature

of my organic words -

Though,

they breathe for you.

At sanity's end,
I closed the book!

&, oh,

how it did defeat me to...

I lain,
a misery.

Until paper found my palm again...

Heaven, Haels! My ill-forgotten friend.

I was mistaken.

It is this pen

I live in.

Self-worth

Only given worth to myself;

I am empty upon the shelf.

Told by word of mouth,

breathed to mean it,

but couldn't shout --

It is me.

When I greet the setting sky,

jet the blackness in my eyes,

crease the curse across my thighs...

It is me.

& when I eat the open 'morrow,

rest my worries,

calm my sorrow

I can live,

for it is me

that I live for.

Bleach

This is the bleach on the walls.

Where I want to live.

Where I was born to become from.

Grey clouds make droplets of tasteful love

leftover petals

from the honey flower I chewed.

Mother called

& through the clean screen door

I smelled warm bread

& the plastic of our short rug.

In a kind of heavenly happiness

I float inside the room

laughing sweetly

with everyone else around me.

What a comfort,

what a clean slate.

Who You Are

One could argue 

all the day

on the way the world moves;

Captivating clouds, and sand storm grooves.

Though the only true thing

it comes right down to

is the mortal you choose to be,

and how much love you'll let loose.

Predator

Everything is in short focus,

lights are falling down,

scattered among the broken glass -

footsteps all around.

Empty was the creatures crate,

steady was the pace,

captured were the humans who

ne'er won the race.

Meddling in Mother's Garden

A stick in the mud.

Critters come to cuddle,

meddle in grubs,

their feet in the hollow.

That poor old sap

spilling its drink

on old folks

in petticoats --

Lizards licking sheep 

in anger...

You know,

we were taught to be strangers.

I told you, behave;

Who are we?

Animals among the trees

taking drinks from our cups

that double as voice?

Never a day we not be at rest -

where we not love our cousin, nature.

Where we not be free as bark on trees.

This day never come,

but it be meant to.

A Couple

This rhombus of your love

envelops me,

laps my tears;

folding them

into worry no more.

I am reborn

to you -

One day,

I hope

you will be
unto me
too.

Somewhere On A Star

I looked up today.

Wrote you in my mouth.

But I fell in a frenzy

when I couldn't see your eyes.

How dark it is here

without you...

A Story of Love

I was thinking of you, darling.

Concocting a word, picture, story, a shape.

Something that in one handful, would tell you how much you mean to me.

But the word never comes,

the picture never starts,

and the story shapes up to be perfectly, you and I.

& I stand, staring at the blank page;

for cities of wishes and kind words could be spilled from these lips for days

but can never fit our storybook here on this flat blank page.

For, you see, you mean too much

for a word or a photo to complete

everything you mean to me,

everything we will grow to be.

Nothing could ever speak enough

so today, I will leave you with love.